Okay Poetry On A Tuesday

That's a round up of basically everything I've written recently. It's not amazing or particularly spectacular but still this makes me happy. Some of my poems are lighthearted and frivolous. Some are dark and twisted like Jacob Nathaniel.


21 is what I wrote in the blog post Why I Won't Date in 2016 and explains where I'm at right now in regards to love.Widow was about a woman being left behind by a loved one whether he moved on from her or he simply died. She's mourned the loss for so long that she can't feel as much anymore.Frozen is about falling in love with some emotionally unavailable. She knows all of this but still continues the relationship. Jacob Nathaniel was inspired by someone who seemed to exit in and out of my life as they pleased. I felt used and dirty but at the same I let it happen. My Jacob Nathaniel was more emotional rather than sexual. Silly Dreams is something anyone can understand. We've all had dreams of past lovers and have woken up missing them. In our dreams we're together and happy. Then the bitter sweet morning comes and we're plunged back into the reality of life.

I  found myself in all of them

I always seemed to be the girl I was writing

Pain and Happiness

Always Intertwining

That concludes Okay Poetry On A Tuesday.

Story Time: The Plan B Scare

Now I'm not gonna say when exactly this happened because who knows my dad may read this or some shit. Can you imagine all the random questions. My dad is still under the impression that I'm a virgin virgin. On the flip side my mom is super cool. The first time I gave head I told her and all she could say was did you use a condom. Now she loves to joke around saying I can't drink off her because she doesn't know where my mouth has been.

So there was this day I had unprotected sex. It all happened so fast and he didn't have condoms. Never happening again ever lol. You readers most likely don't know this but I am paranoid as fuck. I have never and will never trust the pull out method. That's how people get pregnant and at 21 I don't have a baby in my life plans any time soon. Maybe never honestly.

Back to the story so after incredible sex I laid there for a while thinking wtf wtf wtf what did I just do. The guy had to take me back to school because my class started at 5:30. Now it's already 6 and I need to go to class because my best friend is sitting there all by her lonesome probably wondering what I'm doing. I finally make it to school and walk into class. Not at first really I kind of debated going inside the room. I lingered outside for a bit then the professor spots me and says come on in. I walk in and I have this super embarrassed smile on my face. Mind you it's a small ass class since so many people have dropped it so I can't stop smiling and laughing.(I'm so awkward but in a cute way I would like to think) I sit by my friend and she just has this knowing look. Like she knows that at 6:45 after we get out of this boring class that I have a story to tell her. As soon as class is over and we're in the elevator by ourselves I whisper in a tiny childlike voice we need to go to CVS after lab because I need to buy plan b. Her eyes light up in shock and she's kind of like what did you say? We make it outside to some tables and I tell her everything that happened. The whole steamy ordeal. 

She laughs and says this could only happen to me and she couldn't make this up even if she tried. So now we're agreed upon the fact that I need to have plan b because how can I possibly be mature enough to take care of a child if I can barely remember to have my id or card on me when we do go out.

So fast forward lab is boring blah blah blah. Lab is over blah blah blah. We get into her car and we find the nearest CVS. Thankfully it's literally up the street from school. We both get out of the car and walk into CVS. I start laughing out of nowhere because this is bound to be the most awkward situation of my life. Me and my friend make our way towards the pharmacy and who is working there. A really hot guy around my age. Well not hot I have really weird taste I've noticed but I'm attracted and he's attractive. Now I need to ask this guy that I think is hot hey can I get some plan b? We're standing behind this older couple and they're about to be done paying for what they need. Alright they're done so now I'm up. I can't even make eye contact with him I look down and I say can I get some plan b. He's all like sure gets it from the back. I pay for it clearly because plan b is not free or cheap guys. Use condoms always. Let me stop digressing. He gives me the plan b. I grab my friend and get the hell out of there. On the way home we both laughed in the car because what are the chances of having to ask the most attractive guy you've ever seen and would totally ask out for the morning after pill? 

Why I Won't Date in 2016

At 21 the love I found was temporary and unfulfilling

Entirely too conditional for my tastes

It was exciting, passionate even

But I had a soul that wanted more, that craved stillness

No more roller coasters or world winds 

I needed a constant in a world that was ever changing

I learned that at 21 a boy can like you but he cant fall in love

All he can see is a body to satisfy simple lust

Now that's me you see above and I'm currently rocking that no fuckboy glow. Jk lol well kind of. I'm not sure if it can be seen but I'm genuinely happy. While sometimes I miss having someone to make out, and text late night I'm happy to be unattached. I don't miss tears or stressing out over someone else. I've come to the conclusion that no one my age is serious. At least no one I've dealt with yet. That probably sounds bitter but it's not. Unfortunately I've talked to way too many guys in my lifetime but they've made me realize what I want out of a person.

• Intelligence because while I'm pretty I'm not dumb
• Kindness because while I seem cold hearted I'm actually a really soft koala bear
• Reliability because I need to trust them with myself
• Laughter because having a sense of humor is muy importante
• Sarcasm because I'm sarcastic as fuck
• Spontaneity because it keeps things interesting and I get bored too easily
• Independence to a point because I can't stand too much clinging
• Uniqueness because why would I want someone who's like everyone else
• Open Mindedness because if your mind is close how can you grow or move forward
• Patience because I am crazy as fuck and am bound to annoy them
• Understanding because I've been through quite a bit
• Most importantly someone that just sees me as I am.

That's why I'm not dating in 2016. I like that I'm happy and I'm enjoying my freedom. If I can't find what I want why in the world do I need to waste my time like everyone else? I know too many people who are in unhappy relationships or situationships that are simply too scared of being alone. I'm not saying that love isn't in the cards for me this year but right now I just don't see it. If I fall in love great but if mot I'll be fine. I'm too focused on my own happiness and goals. Maybe at 23 or 24 I'll find the one if not I'll be a really hot cougar I guess. There's nothing wrong with being alone or sleeping alone. My happiness doesn't need to come from being in love or loving someone other than myself.

Body Postivity: Still Loving Yourself At Any Size

  I was talking to my friend the other day, well my ex friend because it's just a toxic relationship and she's a total bitch. (Another story for another time lol) She told me that guys she talks to always ask her for full body pictures and she never has any in her phone. Then she went on to say that "fat girls never do". Mind you she's a size 10/12 so I wouldn't really qualify that as fat. It kind of bothered because in my head I'm like I'm way bigger than you and I have plenty. I did sent that in a text though.

  For most of my life up until I turned 20 I was incredibly uncomfortable with my body. In the eight grade I was already a size 12 and like someone blowing air in a balloon I kept getting bigger and bigger. I hated my body and I resorted to doing stupid things to try to change it. I would starve or attempt to throw up(please don't do it). I was always the bigger girl out of my friends and the people around me. I would never wear shorts, short sleeves , or even tank tops. I hated my shoulders because they were too broad. My stomach because it was never flat. My boobs because  they were too big and the attention made me uncomfortable. My ass because well I have no ass lol.  Most times I would always have a jacket covering my arms because I felt like they were too fat.Jeans because there was too much cellulite for my liking. However when I moved to Arizona where it is always hot as fuck I had no choice but to. When I originally moved here from jersey it was the summer. I would go outside in long serves and jeans in 100 degree weather because that's how much I hated my body. After I passed out due to dehydration I had to quickly step out of my comfort zone.

(That's me above my senior year in high school)

   I feel like it's important regardless of your body shape to love the person you are on the inside first. Your body is just a shell that house your soul. At least that's how I see it. If you're unhappy with the actual person you are you can't be satisfied with your body. My friend believe that if she lot the weight she'd feel better about herself and more comfortable. I used to have that same line of thinking and while I was losing the weight I wasn't any happier than before. So I told her she should try taking full body pictures of herself once a day just so she could start to appreciate herself and get used to what she was seeing. Body positivity doesn't mean that anyone is glorifying obesity or being unhealthy. To me it's accepting your body as it is and being confident/comfortable in your own skin. Your body tells a story whether it being that you have a having a c section scar from having a child , or that scar you have on your knee from being a rambunctious kid. My body has survived abuse. I have an 8 inch scar on my lower back from some metal I fell on in my old house. If you look closely at my left forearm you can still see the scars of the cuts I made in middle school. Every single body has a story. I'm 21 years old girl who wears a size 16/18 and right now I can very proudly say that I love myself. 

Below are some body selfies of this pretty young thottie named Marcel

(I am not a thot and that was a joke for you serious ass people lol)

Bad Poetry On A Tuesday

Undoubtedly there's  people in more pain than I am, dealing with more suffering

But I , I cant escape this mental state I'm in, this hell you left me in

Your name branded on my soul, just like Hester's sin

So tell me how do I forget? How do I forgive?

The lengths I'd go to escape you being complete and utter death

I have no desire for an afterlife; heaven or hell

I have no desire to remember who you are and what we were

If I had the choice I'd be nothingness

Even I wasn't aware of this darkness

This darkness lurking just beneath

I want to lash out at others, I want to cause them pain

I envy their happiness and smiles, I wish I was the same

I'm not entirely sure that I can blame you

Perhaps I've always been this way

Less of a person and more of a monster

A demon hiding behind an angel's face 

My best friend is totally going to give me shit for posting this and call it depressing. I suck at poetry and I prefer writing short stories honestly. This poem or whatever I would like to call it is undoubtedly weird as fuck. No one ever understands what I write  so I'm going to try to explain this in the most simple way possible. 

A girl falls in love and is left behind. She still longs for this person despite knowing what they did was unforgivable. She would do anything to forget his existence and not be constantly remind. With the pain she's in she begins to resent the people around. She envies their happiness and laughs because at the current time she's unable to do so. She wants leave them in a similar state of pain like she's currently feeling. So perhaps someone can understand her and that she isn't the only left in misery. The last lines "I'm not sure that I can blame you, Perhaps I've always been this way, Less of a person and more of a monster, A demon hiding behind an angel's face" refers to her no longer being able to recognize herself. She used to be carefree and happy. Now she's wounded, resentful, and even spiteful. She isn't entirely sure if it's due to the loss of love or this being her true nature.

And there you have it,

Bad Poetry On A Tuesday

The Only Thing I Love About Phoenix

When I first moved out here I hated it and I still do but if there's one thing I love about Phoenix it is how beautiful nature is and the views.

I would like to thank my iPhone 6 plus aka my one and only bae for these pictures.

Story Time: I Talked To Two Friends At The Same Damn Time

 Okay so obviously if you've read the title you get the gist of what this is about. It's more complicated than that and was not on purpose I assure you lol. So before you to try to judge me please let me give you the full story.

 I'm always the type to jump right in so let's begin. In this story there are two guys named Brandon and Andrew( I had to change the names around because we're all still friends on snapchat). Branden was a guy I talked to for a short bit about a year ago. He was nice and funny but as soon as you show me that you're not that interested in me I act accordingly. Andrew was just a completely random snapchat add who got my user name from God knows where but he was cute and still is.This story all takes place after January 13th which is the day I got my heart stomped all over and allowed my hoes back into my life. That story is in the blog post before this one.

  Now all of my hoes are back and I'm just snapchatting and texting too much. Flirting and calling people terms of endearment because I didn't know their names. Yeah as you can see I got a bit out of hand lol, just a bit. I just decided to put myself and snapchat Andrew. He was cute in his stories and he added me first so I figured why not. We got along pretty well and he completely got my sense of humor. It also didn't hurt that he loved shelling out those compliments. Branden randomly texted me out of nowhere so I just with it. Andrew was way cuter than Branden. That has always been and always will be the truth. 

  One day Andrew snapped me and who are his friends in the snapchat with him. The roommate he told me about and wait for it;Branden. You have no idea how I felt in that moment. My jaw quite literally stropped. I started freaking the fuck out. I just kept thinking. Do they know each other? Do I have to say anything? I've never been in a situation like this so I had no clue what to do. I just tried to continue like normal and talk to both of them. They both had different qualities. Andrew was more open and bright I guess you could say. Branden was dark and mysterious so I was drawn to him.

 Weeks later I keep talking to both of them. I even came to find out that they worked together because Andrew would send me snapchats of them while they were at work. You can imagine that I was scared and paranoid. Then one day I'm hanging out with Andrew at his place. Him and his roommate start discussing how Branden's birthday is the upcoming Saturday. They were talking about how his party was gonna be at there place. So what does Andrew turn around and ask me? He asks me what are my plans this weekend. In my head I'm laughing at this messy ass situation I've got myself into. So I turn my head to face him and I tell him that I'm hanging out with a friend. I'm chastising myself because what 21 year old doesn't like drinking and smoking? 

 The next morning I decided to make a choice which was Andrew because after his roommate left we had what I would like to call a very magical night. While the  douche in my previous post was probably the best kisser. Andrew was very good at other things unlike him.(inserts smirk emoji) I talk to Andrew daily and Branden still watches my story everyday.

And that ends that story

Song of The Week: Hurts Like Hell by Fluerie

Fleurie's Hurt like Hell is a chilling narrative about love and loss. I first came across hurts like hell while watching shadow hunters. Lame right? lol 

The l haunting lyrics

I loved and I loved and I lost you

I loved and I loved and I lost you

I loved and I loved and I lost you

And it hurts like hell

We're probably the most beautiful and saddest lyrics I've ever heard yet at the same time they're so simple. 

Fluerie has a soft sing song voice that sounds like a whisper which just shows you the vulnerability of the song. Everyone can relate to giving someone they're all to someone and being left behind in the end. 

I don't want them to know the secrets

I don't want them to know the way that I loved you

I don't think that they would understand it, no 

I don't think that they would  accept me, no 

This was probably the portion of the song that hit me the most. After loving someone will every fiber of my being and being left behind I felt weird talking about. I felt like no one would be able to understand the way I was feeling. So while this song is sad and will for sure have you in the "feels" as my stupid friend Matt would say. It's still comforting to know that someone out there understood how you were feeling.

Listen

Introucing A Bit Uccommon

She's just two personas struggling for dominance in one body 

 Hi I'm Marcel and I chose that deep ass quote above because it describes me perfectly. I'm a 21 year old college student with a rather boring part time job who loves music, makeup, and fashion.  This isn't my first blog I stated one up in January but it was weird as fuck and my family kept asking me about it. When do I plan on putting up more? What am i going to post next? Etc etc etc. I just felt pressured to do it. It wasn't fun anymore. There was literally 10 drafts sitting there that I could have posted at anytime but I didn't.

 I like to write. It's the one thing that keeps me sane besides walking. I felt that the way I described my last blog didn't fit. The name didn't fit. I want my blog to me like always different every single time. So I decided on the name abituncommon. On this blog you'll find makeup and skincare reviews, song reviews, daily life, advice,story time and some of my shitty poetry.

So reader, welcome to my life.